"I know I'm not a bully"

This is the fundamental reaction of everyone I’ve come across who has been accused of bullying in the workplace. And, in a sense, they’re always right. They know what they know. (Whenever I’ve questioned my own behaviour in reflective moments, it’s been my instinctive reaction too.)

Deep, wet, sticky peat on the English/Scottish border

It's also the main reason why workplace bullying investigations and procedures rarely, if ever, create lasting change.

They might result in a person being labelled a bully and departing the organisation. Or, the person accused of bullying might be exonerated, which might result in the departure of the alleged victim(s).

Often, the conclusion is that there are faults on all sides, which leaves everyone involved feeling, at best, badly wounded.

Nobody accepts any outcome except to the extent (if any) that it agrees with their own original view of themselves. As a result, nobody’s behaviour changes. The culture of the organisation has effectively become mired in deep, wet, sticky peat. It’s only a matter of time before the next alleged victims and alleged bullies get caught up in it.

Workplace mediation can, conversely, begin to address the underlying issues.

Here are some of the most common explanations and comments from the alleged bully’s perspective:

• This is ridiculous.

• My conduct could never be regarded as bullying by any sane person.

• I was just trying to get things done, against tight deadlines.

• I was implementing unpopular changes, which made me a target.

• The allegations are grossly exaggerated.

• I was under huge pressure to get results.

• I was having to deal with a very difficult individual.

• I was trying to act consistently, so that other people didn’t feel resentful.

• I was just delivering fair criticism.

• It was feedback from clients/customers/colleagues.

• It was just light-hearted humour.

• It was no different to how I've been treated by other people.

• I was having a difficult time in my personal life and had insufficient support at work.

• I was simply giving as good as I got.

• Look, I’m the victim here.

Try putting any of that to the other party in an investigation meeting and see how far you get with it! Likewise, try putting any of the alleged victim’s feelings to the alleged bully. In both cases, you can be pretty sure they’ll be dismissed out of hand.

By contrast, a skilled mediator can carefully create a safe space in which feelings on both sides can be directly expressed and, ultimately - perhaps painfully - recognised. This is not to say that all will be sweetness and light, even in a successful mediation (far from it). But it can lay the foundations for genuine changes in attitudes and behaviour.

I will never forget the impact of one particular direct meeting between warring parties in a mediation. Although it was both emotional and tough, they actually listened to each other for the first time and heard at least a faint echo of what it might be like to be in the other’s shoes. They did not embrace like long-lost siblings. They did not accept everything each other said. However, they did eventually work through their issues successfully and gained a degree of mutual respect as colleagues.

Just as importantly, the organisation learned lessons about the pressures that had led to the situation in the first place. In dealing with the issues, the onus was not just on the individuals to work out how they could co-operate. The onus was also on the organisation to adapt its ways of doing things - not just to support those individuals but also others in similar situations.

In this way, workplace mediation can confront the underlying cultural and behavioural issues in bullying cases, in a way that formal procedures and legal action cannot.

It is not a cure-all. It is not necessarily suitable for every case. Nor is it guaranteed to succeed on every occasion. But it is a way to start getting out of the mire.

Photo credit: Eileen Henderson / Cheviot peat bog (detail) / CC BY-SA 2.0