Every debate or dispute is unique: there are no ready-to-wear solutions. But there are some guiding principles we can adopt and adapt.

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Debates can be impassioned and heated – or dull and listless. If not handled well, they can easily flare into disputes. Or (perhaps worse) they can slink off to sulk in the long grass.

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Disputes thrive on misunderstandings, misconceptions, unconscious deceptions and barriers to communication. Resentments build on all sides of the barriers. When the barriers burst, the destructive force of the dispute is let loose on everyone.

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Whether I’m acting as the facilitator of a debate or the mediator of a dispute, an important part of my job is to act as a catalyst: to help to create new and constructive pathways and spaces for ideas to be safely exchanged and explored and for positive transformation to be delivered.

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The plans and solutions themselves are built by the participants. But left entirely to themselves they may encounter problems. They may need an impartial, critical mentor to do some or all of the following:

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• To listen, actively and impartially.

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• To express their thoughts and feelings back to them, to enable self-reflection: “So, from what you've said, your feelings about this seem to be [……….]. Is that right? Would you add or change anything?"

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• To get underneath the surface of what’s being said, by being alert to the subtleties of tone, language and body-language and by asking apparently stupid or difficult questions other people don’t think they can ask.

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• To identify the underlying driving forces and key issues, which those intimately involved are often too close to see clearly.

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• To test how realistic the views and suggestions of the participants are.

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• To summarise and check understanding.

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• To encourage participants to consider alternatives, which they might not otherwise have thought of.

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• To help participants piece together the nuts and bolts of plans or proposals.

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I act as that impartial, critical mentor to the participants on all sides of the debate or dispute.

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I do not act as a judge, arbitrator or determinator of any kind. I do not try to impose any plans or solutions on anybody. I work hard to help people agree plans and solutions that will secure lasting and positive transformation.

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